Open Letter: Farewell

incubatorIn responce to a post:

I’m very sorry to hear about your negative results, particularly since you are really putting all of your heart and soul out there to make a difference in the world, and probably in some corner of your being know that it should count as an extra point in your favor up in the skies. I’ve been there.

I shrug in horror remembering the weeks following the negative results. At some point I started planning all of my social activities within the 2 week waiting period, when there’s a boost of energy, knowing that afterwards I might plunge into anti-social aloofness at best.

Be gentle on yourself. Treat yourself well. Mourn, sit Shiva, decisively go through it so you can emerge renewed on the other side. When I got the negative results with my first surrogacy attempt, I went to Kundalini yoga to exercise and meditate. In my mind’s eye I flew back to the incubator where I saw my embryos last and bid them farewell. There’s validity in this pain and loss, it exposes nerve endings and breaks open the reality of existence to reveal how precious lives really are.

As heartbreaking as it is, it is a lesson.