March 26

Rising above Our Limitations

Rodin_Thinker2A wise old doctor at the reproductive clinic said to me, “Life doesn’t come with a guarantee”. He was right in gently nudging me towards acceptance of the inevitable; that soon I will have to stop my treatments and accept the deck of cards I have been dealt. The game is over. I’m not going to create a child.

I’ve been a good sport and didn’t bother many people with my problems. I chose to be recluse and leave it just at that. But the toll it took on me and others in my immediate surroundings was enormous. It doesn’t matter if you scream that you cannot conceive or you’re brewing quietly behind closed doors, the angst you radiate is felt around you, although some may not even understand the reason and the source.

So what is the solution? (Not just adopt, I’m communicating with a sophisticated audience here, so I don’t have to spell the obvious, I’m sure). At the very least, it would not be fare to the adopted child to use him/ her as a shield to my emotions. The only way I see is to go through it so I can emerge on the other side renewed.

Perhaps a form of therapy (called something more inviting), a group session is the way to go? After you have a knee surgery you don’t hit the ground running, you go to a physical rehab. They teach you how to bend the leg, how to increase the pressure, how to exercise, when to stop. So perhaps in this situation, too, when you decide to stop fertility treatments, it will be helpful to create and share in a community that is supportive, safe and understanding, with a form of group leadership to help stay focused on the healing aspects of the conversation?

The world we live in is turning virtual. More often we rely on technology to stay in touch, learn facts, keep current and exchange the news. While it is convenient, it’s personal communication that forges friendships, gives us a sense of belonging, being appreciated and ultimately loved.

What if we create a group like that?