This march 2013 I started blogging about Infertility.  I looked for a way out of the dungeon I fell into after completing my 5-year treatment without a success. I am a filmmaker and videotaped my journey believing that you can convert the most difficult of circumstances into a victory if you can find a lesson in the story. So I started making a film about our journey.

In my blog I came up with Infertility Survival Guide, a series  of interviews with people who have either lived through infertility or made it a subject of their work, and started building a community of like-minded people. Through this work I understood that it is the silence surrounding our struggle that makes the experience most difficult. I want to bring a level of comfort to the conversation and make it easier for people who go through this life crisis.

As a result of blogging I have connected with a community of other women writes and produced The CYCLE: Living A Taboo public Forum in NYC to discuss the Emotional Effects of Infertility on individuals and society.

The challenge is that no films on reproductive technologies (Google Baby or Made in India, Surrogate house, Bio-dad, Frozen Angels ) has addressed the patient’s angle (those rich white women), but speak about biotech and dystopian version of the future. In the end, these films reach support of issue- driven feminist organizations and place the blame on patients in search of treatment and their moral choices which, in my opinion, misses the target.
The CYCLE: Living A Taboo  is unique because it talks about what happens when technology does not succeed and we’re faced with our humanity and mortality. An uncomfortable, but much needed subject. Every 8th couple of childbearing age is having problems, only 30% of cycles work, yet the unsuccessful patients are too timid to talk about their disappointments, and the media propagates success stories, so in the end majority of patients need to live in the shadows of few 52 year olds who have achieved pregnancy by scientific methods.
The premise is to tell a story that spells out what this life crisis looks like and what are the stages to letting go of a cherished dream. A cautionary tale that will show a roadmap to new patients entering into treatment, and also show the new generation that science and $$$ often don’t succeed. It is an existential battle that pulls all other unresolved traumas into the vortex and changes how you view the world and your own life. It is of paramount importance to teach the public that loss of this magnitude  cannot be glazed over. As emotionally intelligent people that we strive to be, it’s valuable to know how to close the wound, gradually let go and start considering other options, building back your life. We may get knocked down, but we come back better and stronger.